Allerzielen Alom

For the next-of-kin

Next-of-kin have the opportunity to create a special atmosphere at the grave. Ideas and tips are provided during information and inspiration evenings. Sometimes, it is just of question of gathering the strength to do it, and to know that others who are doing something can help. Here are several examples of what people have done by the grave.

Setting a tablefotoverslag-allerzielen-allicht-foto-max-linsen-resized
A table with candles on a white tablecloth. Apples from the tree which the deceased planted with his wife. Poems are read next to the grave. People talk with a cup of apple cider.

Various kitchen utensils from mother’s kitchen are arranged on the grave. She baked such wonderful things, so a pan of oliebollen (traditional Dutch winter pastry) is heated on a petroleum stove. The oliebollen are passed out to passersby, and mother naturally becomes part of the conversation.

Winter violets
A daughter passes out winter violets to acquaintances and invited guests, just the way her father always did it.

Pigeon cove
A birdcage with white pigeons stands on a grave further on. Father was a pigeon breeder.

Childrens’ craft table
A table with various creative craft materials stands by the grave of a baby which passed away at the age of 9 months. Brother, sister, the neighbourhood children, and cousins can have fun cutting and pasting.

Wine by the firewijntje-drinken-bij-het-graf-resized
A fire basket, some torches, and a couple of chairs are enough to enjoy a glass of wine by the grave.

Greeting cards in a party tent
castricum-kaarten-resized_0The mother of this young woman slid all of the cards she received while she was sick and after she passed away into plastic sleeves and hung them up in a party tent. It was only a half year ago, so that reading the cards would be too much. However, it did much good for the mother to show the rest of the world that her daughter was so loved.

Film above the grave_mg_1913resized
A monitor sits on a tall stand above the grave, showing a video over a mother’s last years of life.

A shed with a party tent
_mg_2834resizedSince there are no clear memorial sites on the grounds of the crematory in Schagen, we provided small sheds for next-of-kin to use. They set up the sheds as small reliquaries, and sometimes put up a party tent next to it to receive their guests.

List of tips for activities by the grave

A pre-ritual
Decorate the grave with flowers, natural products, little flags, objects, drawing, and photographs.

Staying warm and dry, while sitting next to each other.
Fire basket, party tent, lighting, tables and chairs.

Clothing and textiles
Agree on what kinds of clothes to wear, about printing cloths to spread out on the grave.

Food options
Serve favourite meals, make table cloths, assemble family tableware, serve warm (Dutch-style) pancakes. Everyone brings something tasty for a picnic. Offer food and drink to other visitors.

Sing songs, play an instrument, make music yourself or invite a musician. Everyone brings music with the accompanying memories which can be brought back to life on a portableCD player.

Project photographs, movies, or slides on the grave. Allerzielen Alom
Photographs can also be backlighted in a box with a glass front.

Put puzzles together, or play card games, or other self-made or self-invented games which have a symbolic meaning.

Working with text
Share biographies, songs about the life of the deceased, poetry, and memories.